Aug. 13, 2020

Honouring Our Spirit with Dara Feldman - Part 2

Honouring Our Spirit with Dara Feldman - Part 2

In this second part of the 2 part series, Dara Feldman goes deeper into discussing the virtue of Reverence, and how we can practice it together as families with our children. Additionally, we touch on the topic of personal journaling and what that means to a person, and how we can encourage this practice in younger children as well.

Host: Richard Sidharta (Instagram | Twitter), Family of Virtues (Instagram | Facebook)

Guest:
Dara Feldman (Facebook)
dara@virtuesmatter.com
www.virtuesmatter.com
www.darafeldman.com

References:
Empty Hands
The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
Dr. Nadine Burke Harris (TED Talk)
Dr. Nadine Burke Harris - The Deepest Well
Cookie Monster and Self-Regulation

Transcript

Honouring Our Spirit with Dara Feldman - Part 2

DISCLAIMER: The episode has been transcribed automatically and may contain spelling and grammatical errors.

[00:00:00] Richard: [00:00:00] Hello listeners. This episode honoring our spirit is split into two parts. You are listening to part two. Enjoy.

[00:00:10] Dara: [00:00:10] hi, I am Dara Feldman and welcome to the family of virtues podcast.

[00:01:12]Richard: [00:01:12] I, I understand Dara that that families are facing this too. Today, there will be some of you, some of me, some of so many different kinds of people going through challenges within every family.

[00:01:28] And at this time we have children who are potentially listening to a lot of conversations that otherwise they would not have because everybody's at home in the midst of all these stresses, do you have, uh, maybe not simple way, but how can a family that absolutely does not have this time for reverence?

[00:01:53] How can they actually get started? Because they know, you know, you're going to face resistance with people. Who've never done it before, especially with teenagers. What are we doing here? Why do I have to do this? All of that kind of stuff. So how do we actually get the ball rolling? How do we start this?

[00:02:08] Because a lot of people want to do it. But they sort of take steps backwards because they know that they're going to face resistance.

[00:02:20] Dara: [00:02:20] absolutely. So that's a really thoughtful question and I appreciate you keeping this grounded in reality. So I think I have a, I have a few initial responses. One is we get to model, so practice of gratitude. So when we can be looking for the good and we can be acknowledging our children for the virtues that we see in them, they're going to start to feel that. And that's going to be very healing, right? Let's just, even if our children are doing some things that are really frustrating, let's put money in the virtues bank first.

[00:02:57] Right. Even if they're fighting with us, Hey, you know what, Richard, I really hear your commitment to justice and how you're saying this isn't fair. I want to invite you to just take a breath, take a mindful minute. Maybe PBS pause, breathe. And smile That gives you a little bit of hit of dopamine. Right. It makes you feel a little bit happier, a little healthier.

[00:03:22] Now, when you're calm, please tell me what's on your mind and heart sweet. I really want to hear, so I think if we can focus on the positive that helps and acknowledge getting into a routine of an attitude of gratitude and maybe it's a soup. Uh, they feel like it's a. Silly practice, but you just go around the table.

[00:03:42] What's one thing you're grateful for. And even if your teenager says I'm grateful that that silly practice is done. Okay. You know, eventually they're going to get it and they're going to feel it. There's a lot of research out there and then honoring the spirit music, movement, poetry, art, there's so many inspiring ways to use our creativity.

[00:04:06] And I think that when young people tap into their creativity, that's a way that they can access reverence. Um, There's empty hands music. I don't know if you're familiar with empty hands, but I love their videos and one on gratitude and love and just so many, but the young people can actually make their own music, their own videos.

[00:04:31] Richard: [00:04:31] Yeah.

[00:04:31] Dara: [00:04:31] And anyway, it's okay. I'll call in self discipline and stop talking piece back to you, Richard.

[00:04:39] Richard: [00:04:39] No. Thank you. Thank you, Darren. I really liked the nonjudgmental approach there, and that's not very easy for parents to do. If you want to get buy in from your children, then we cannot model the behavior that we don't want them to demonstrate. So if, for example, what you were talking about, an attitude of gratitude Dera, and we were all going around the table.

[00:05:04] If a child basically makes a snarky remark or is sarcastic, um, at what point in time or at what point does a parent draw the line and stop that?

[00:05:16] Dara: [00:05:16] That's a great question, right? Because we don't want to just enable this behavior. Um, you know, if you might be able to get to the heart of the matter, like what's really going on with them, right? So maybe they think that this is childish or, you know, something.

[00:05:33] So you can ask them to use their creativity and say, Hey, you know, things are really hard right now. Hearts are heavy. I know that it's, it must be really difficult and painful for you to be, we are at home with all of us and not able to be with your friends. Right. I get that. So we meet the, we meet the young people, and the adults, where they're at, maybe even using the companioning process, the seven step counseling technique to lead somebody to their own solution, but ask them like, okay, so what is something that might bring you joy or be uplifting that we can do as a family?

[00:06:14] Richard: [00:06:14] right.

[00:06:15] Dara: [00:06:15] so put the onus on them and maybe they they're responsible once a week or once a day and can help to use their creativity and feel some of the leadership.

[00:06:28] Richard: [00:06:28] yeah, definitely. And you don't transfer the ownership to them. And this is also for, you know, all the way down with really young children. If we transfer ownership of family activities to them and even give them a choice of what they think is right, or what they think is suitable or what they really enjoy, um, they will definitely be more inclined to participate rather than this is yet another activity that I have to do.

[00:06:54] Dara: [00:06:54] Absolutely such wisdom and discernment. Richard. We want to give our children voice and choice.

[00:07:00] Richard: [00:07:00] Hmm.

[00:07:01] Dara: [00:07:01] Right. And this is something I, I really don't have a lot of regrets over my life. The one thing that I would change is I was a single parent for a while, raising my children and teaching. And I would come home at six o'clock at night and have, you know, make dinner and homework and bed and, you know, bath time and all of that.

[00:07:26] And. I didn't really set boundaries with my children. Like they had to sit at the table. This is not, I'm not, this is not something I'm sorry for in fact, yeah, they would just, they would use their creativity and they would just put on these traumatic performances every night. Right. They were my live dinner theater.

[00:07:45] And so, um, when my, when I got remarried to my husband and Dave has been amazing dad to our kids, David grew up where you sit down at the table and you wait for everybody to be finished eating. And my children were not in that practice. And Dave wasn't in the practice of using the language of virtues.

[00:08:08] And so that was really excruciating, um, because it was more about power and control. And support and encouragement. And now, you know, for a year and a half, Dave, join me in that his virtues work and virtues matter and the heat. I mean, it just, we laugh at some of the things that happened when we were younger parents, but so the kids really needed for Dave number one to first connect when he came home from work, not to say, why haven't you.

[00:08:42] You know, done, do the dishes or why haven't you done your homework? It's we want to start by honoring the spirit and say, Hey, hi, how was your day? What's something that happened today or when the kids wake up. Good morning. How did you sleep instead of, did you brush your teeth? Did you make your bed right?

[00:09:02] We want to honor the spirit first. So I think that that was a lesson. And then the other thing around boundaries is I felt somewhat, really bad for my children because their dad had died from the disease of alcoholism. And so I felt like I had to be all things to them and I wanted to protect them from any other harm.

[00:09:27] So I really didn't invite them to be very helpful around the house. I did everything for them. And I wish that I would have in their responsible adults now. So it's all good, but I wish that I would have instilled in them a little bit more responsibility and independence in, you know, in our home so that they would have felt proud in the responsibility and the contribution.

[00:10:02] To our family. So for those of you parents listening, who are doing everything for your children, when they fall down, you pick them up, are you okay? Are you okay? No, no, no, no. Unless they're really bleeding and falling to pieces, let them get up on their own so that they know that they're capable that they're independent or else we're going to do them a disservice.

[00:10:27] Richard: [00:10:27] Yeah, I know Dara. Thank you. I definitely see your perceptiveness as you go back all of those years in sort of unlayer, um, your experiences and, and to provide that kind of wisdom to our listeners as well as invaluable. Thank you so much for that. And just, just talking about a child falling down. I remember reading a book a few years ago called the blessing of a skinned knee.

[00:10:51] Dara: [00:10:51] got it?

[00:10:52] Richard: [00:10:52] Yeah, it's, it's, it's just, you know, going back all of those years. I mean, when I was riding a bike around my neighborhood, my parents weren't around to see me. There was no mobile phone. There was no GPS tracking. They knew I had to be back at a certain time. Um, and they wouldn't worry until, you know, I've sort of crossed that time, I guess.

[00:11:15] But right now, there's always somebody watching over the child and I'm guilty of this too. If I, if I send my child out on the street that I'm sitting there with my coffee on a rock with me and my wife, we're having a nice chat. We think not that we are sort of hovering over him, but still it's always on the back of our mind, you know, he's outside.

[00:11:34] Why don't we go outside too. So yeah, I guess maybe cause he's six years old. Um, but you know, dialing it back a little bit, making sure that we are not always in that rescue mode when something happens, um, and allowing them to sort of have the skills to be able to come out of any problems that they have.

[00:11:54] Dara: [00:11:54] absolutely. And it's so hard as parents, right? We love them. We want them to be safe. So little kids, little problems, big kids, bigger problems. And that's why I'm in the book. The blessing of the skinned knee it's really allow them to fail. And fall early, as long as they're okay. Hey, when my son was applying, he was a junior in high school, getting ready to apply to college.

[00:12:19] He burst into tears because he realized that he didn't have the grades that time too, into his first choice, university of Maryland. And I had made a decision that when he was in ninth grade, It was up to him, you know, like I'm not going to go to college with him and he's applying to medical school right now.

[00:12:40] I'm not going to medical school with this child. Right. So what Jake did was he put the self discipline card and made it the wallpaper of his phone.

[00:12:51] Richard: [00:12:51] Beautiful.

[00:12:52] Dara: [00:12:52] And the next year he took like, Uh, several AP courses, he went to Towson university. He ended up being on the honor roll. He transferred to another university and did really well.

[00:13:09] And then he, and this is not bragging. This is, this is me saying I stepped away and let him do what he needed to do. He graduated with his masters from Hopkins, with a four. Oh. And. In his M cat scored in the top 10%. And I was biting my hands the whole time, because there were from the outside, it was like, Jake, what are you doing?

[00:13:36] How come you haven't gotten your application in? And, Oh my gosh, you're going through all of this and X, Y, and Z. I didn't say that to him, but as a mom. And so this goes back to reverence, Richard. I prayed. I have a God box and because I travel, I have a God envelope. Then I write down I'm serious. I write down on pieces of paper every morning and I stick them in my God box or my God envelope.

[00:14:05] And I date them and I put down the worries on my heart and what I'm basically presenting to God. And then. There's oftentimes where I will take my children and I will rewind them to when they're like three and four and five. And I imagine I'm holding their little faces in my hands and from my higher self to their higher self from my heart to their heart.

[00:14:32] I am sending them love. I am sending them my encouragement. I am sending them virtues guidance or virtuous affirmations. And I honestly believe that that is incredibly helpful in healing.

[00:14:46] Richard: [00:14:46] What, what, what a gift that is, you know, for your your children. Um, to be able to grow up, to be able to see all of those years back, your thoughts, your blessings towards them. Um, you know, the challenges that you may have faced and everything that you sort of went through. And for them, when they, when, when they have families of their own.

[00:15:06] To learn so much from the wisdom that you're sharing. It's invaluable stuff, you know, and we're going to, we're going to touch on journaling in a bit, but before we get there, I wanted to go back to, you know, parenting and the story of you and your son. And we know as educators  Dara, that the amount of times we have to deal with children who basically don't have that self discipline quite often.

[00:15:29] It's because parents are always after them. You know, have you done your homework? Have you done this? Looking over the diary, speaking to the teachers, being, being extremely active, active, and hovering above the child, if you like. Um, and the advice that I try and give, of course, I don't want to generalize this at all.

[00:15:47] I understand that every child is different, but the advice that I like to give to parents is teach them responsibility, teach them self discipline, teach them. That they need to be responsible for their own work very early on. And if they don't complete it, they need to speak to the teacher about it. So until then, unless they take ownership, then we will constantly be at their case, whether they're six years old or 16 years old, or God knows even beyond.

[00:16:21] Dara: [00:16:21] Absolutely. So again, such wisdom and discernment, Richard, that they, we need to teach them responsibility. It's not just a virtues card, it's not a poster on a wall and it's not just a word. It is a practice and it has a very specific skills and those skills. Change over the age of children, they also are cultural.

[00:16:47] Right? So when I come to Jakarta, when we're allowed to travel again, I imagine that when I, you know, do a workshop, that the way that I facilitate a workshop might be very different in your culture. When I go to Japan, I facilitate a workshop in socks or bare feet. If I facilitated a workshop in Washington, DC in socks or bare feet, they would feel like I was being very disrespectful.

[00:17:15] Right. So the practices can be cultural and culturally specific and also age specific. And again, it is a practice. Right. And I want to say one thing about self discipline, and there's a lot of research right now with neuroscience. And what we're finding is that for those of us who have experienced trauma or who has had ongoing stress. Right PTSD, et cetera, that cortisol is often going through our bodies and it is literally frying our brains. And so the serotonin that we would naturally make isn't there so much. And we also, we're stuck in our medulla and we get hijacked often. Right? We, we, it's hard for us to focus. We might get triggered very quickly and we don't even know the reason why.

[00:18:14] And this there's a lot of science right now. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris has a great Ted talk and she also has a book called the deepest well. And what the research shows is that mindfulness and breath that those are, and they're very similar about mindfulness and breath can be extremely healing and can actually help to heal.

[00:18:43] Some of what that trauma has done to our physiology. And can help us to be more mindful, to be present, to call on self discipline, and then also relationships. And, um, for those of you with young children, I encourage you to Google Cookie monster self-control. He calls it self control, but I don't know if you've ever tried to control anything controlling.

[00:19:11] Doesn't really work. So. Dear cookie monster with much love and respect. I would say suggest that you say itself discipline because discipline means to teach. Right? So, um, but if you Google it cookie monster sub-discipline cookie monster teaches us. Three things that we can do to call and self discipline.

[00:19:32] And the first one is positive. Self-talk yes. Use virtues language on ourselves. The second one is to stand up straight. So everybody listening, you can either sit up straight or stand up straight, put your chest out. Proud. In addition to feeling a little awkward. How do you feel. Maybe a little stronger, a little more confident.

[00:20:00] And the last thing he invites us to is to take a deep breath.

[00:20:05] Richard: [00:20:05] And.

[00:20:06] Dara: [00:20:06] positive self talk, getting into that place of strength and confidence, maybe even putting your arms above your head, like a V for virtues and taking a deep breath can help us tap into our self discipline. And what research shows is that when we do this.

[00:20:25] When we do this before, we're trying something difficult. You have a big presentation or are taking an assessment that we can score 12 percentage points higher. When we can remember to call in our inner cookie monster. So this isn't just touchy, feely stuff. This also gets to academics and also can be a matter of life and death.

[00:20:48] Richard: [00:20:48] absolutely. There's so much research that has been done about. A contentment in adult life and going all the way back to what we experienced as children that leads to that level of contentment. So all of these programs and all of this talk on self care, , it is not wishy washy stuff. Definitely. , there is in fact, a longitudinal study done in the UK.

[00:21:12], I think the survey tens and thousands, tens of thousands of, , individuals and, , The least factor, the least determining factor for contentment of the age of 30, , was, uh, academics at the age of 15. And the highest determining factor for contentment was satisfaction and self discipline and making sure that they felt happy and that the basis wellness of a child, , would result in that in their adult life as well.

[00:21:39] So, , I guess the, the whole thing goes back to parents is. If we know if we actually want to sit with our child and watch a football game, you know, you know, put our arms around their shoulder with our feet up on the table, of course whatever's culturally appropriate. Um, and, and have a snack while we're watching football and really want to sit next to a happy child, , who at that time may or may not have a family with children, what do we need to do while you're growing up in order for us to make sure that we have that.

[00:22:11] In 15, 20 years, if our entire focus is on academics, if our entire focus is on making sure they get the right grades, if our entire focus is on, why did you do that? Why did you get that? Why did your teachers say this about you instead of what you were saying earlier, Dara, when you walk into the house, honoring their spirit, appreciating them for who they are and appreciating the fact that we are a family, we need to know how well we are first.

[00:22:35] And then we can get to those things. Later. Um, I think we need to be very reflective and find out what we need to do now so that they have the necessary skills and live a life of satisfaction, um, as they grow older.

[00:22:53] Dara: [00:22:53] absolutely live a life of joy, meaning and purpose, right. There's opportunities right now, instead of just sitting in front of the television or being on our devices, I don't know about you all, but my eyeballs, I am zoomed out grateful for the technology, grateful to connect, but.

[00:23:11] You know, can we, how can we be of service to somebody? Can we invite our young people? You know, idealism is the strength, virtue of youth ages, 15 to 25. And so there's all this opportunity right now for them to use their creativity, to do well, to do good in the world. Maybe calling some folks who maybe live alone and when they get into that practice.

[00:23:40] That practice of service just goes to the heart and the dopamine and the serotonin and all of those good neurotransmitters and the positive hormones. They're going to feel better and they're gonna want that feeling by doing things in prosocial ways, instead of the numbing and the instant gratification of all of the bingeing kinds of activities that we can do, binge watching, binge eating bins, technolog technology, et cetera.

[00:24:14] Richard: [00:24:14] Yeah. The only thing that was instant when I was growing up was instant noodles. At the moment, you know, at the moment we've got, we've got, children's saying this entire season is over. Where's the next episode,

[00:24:27] Dara: [00:24:27] Right? Right.

[00:24:28] Richard: [00:24:28] So, um, life has definitely changed, but like I said, you know, I mean, like you were saying, technology is technology and we need to understand how to use it with moderation.

[00:24:38] Again, there's always a teachable moment with all of these things. Yeah. Dara, um, Personal journaling. This is a, the last thing I'd like to touch on. Um, you spoke about that earlier. You spoke about those little, the God box and the God envelope, but for parents, who've never done it for, for parents who want to do it, but don't do it consistently.

[00:25:02] Can you sort of touch on what personal journaling means for ourselves? And how we can also encourage our children to do it because we know that all the top CEOs of, um, uh, you know, the top companies, I know one of the things that they do is always journal in the morning before they start their day. So what does journaling actually look like as well?

[00:25:24] There are different kinds of journaling. So I've asked you a lot of questions there. I'm leaving it to you.

[00:25:30] Dara: [00:25:30] Well, I love your enthusiasm and I hope I'm going to be able to answer them.

[00:25:34] And I'm glad that you're not solely focused on academic rigor because I don't know how well I'm going to score on this assessment. I can just share my experience, strength and hope and throw in some things that my daughter does. So I think the act of journaling is a way for us to actually use our kinesthetics, to connect to self and to connect to a source.

[00:25:57] We can't when we're writing. Actually one of my sponsors said when, when we can write with our dominant hand, maybe even a letter to God, to our higher power. All right, dear God, what do you want me to say right now? What's going to be the most meaningful, how can I set limits or whatever it is. And then you take your pen in your nondominant hand and you act as if it's God.

[00:26:26] Higher power or your intuition giving you the answer. And it is extraordinary to see what happens. So when you have a question, you write with your dominant hand and you answer with your nondominant hand. So that's, that's a way to journal for discernment and then just. There are some people who set a timer and they say that they're either going to journal for five minutes, 15 minutes, or they're going to keep writing until they finish a page or five pages for me, I'm the kind of, I have gone in and out.

[00:27:03] Sometimes in the past. I have answered a question. And that would get me journaling. I do a gratitude list every night, so that I think the most profound way to get to meaningful journaling is just have a gratitude journal. Just start there.

[00:27:24] Richard: [00:27:24] That's an easy way to start. You have a template, basically write the things that you're grateful for.

[00:27:30] Dara: [00:27:30] absolutely. And your children can do it. Young children can just draw pictures. Or you can scribe for them. Right. And then, and our virtues card app, we actually put a journal. And so it's a kind of thing where you can do your virtues pick and then you can just type in the journal, how that virtue is resonated with you, or keep your gratitude list.

[00:27:54] My daughter loves the bullet journals.

[00:27:58] Richard: [00:27:58] Hmm.

[00:27:59] Dara: [00:27:59] And so there's just, there's you can just Google journals, if you're really visual and you have different colored pens or pencils,

[00:28:07] Richard: [00:28:07] Hmm.

[00:28:08] Dara: [00:28:08] know, to be able to journal in that way. And there's times when you want to go back and reflect on your journal, and then there are times when you want to let go of what was in your journal.

[00:28:24] Richard: [00:28:24] Yeah.

[00:28:24] Dara: [00:28:24] so there's, you can get into rituals of that, but there's no right or wrong way to journal. I definitely encourage people to get started by doing the gratitude list. A gratitude

[00:28:36] Richard: [00:28:36] Yeah, I think, I think that's right, because it puts a good positive spin to it. There is a tendency. Depending on what is actually happening in our lives. If the only thing we write about is how, you know, we are, we are regretting things or you're feeling, uh, you know, negative feelings towards other people and stuff like that.

[00:28:54] But I still feel that even if that's the case, it has its own space. At least you're letting it out and you're venting it out on a piece of paper. Um, , , rather than actually sort of having an outburst, , later. 

[00:29:06] Dara: [00:29:06] And then actually piggyback. And so when you're having those feelings and you're journaling, okay. Write it out, get it all out. Right? Pardon those sound effects, Nan. Pick up your phone and shake your virtues card app and see what virtue comes up and read it and reflect in journal to see if there's any guidance.

[00:29:30] To help you work through some of those emotions or maybe it's, you need to call your assertiveness because you were treated unjustly and you need to now go talk to that person so that, um, things can be more just for you,

[00:29:47] Richard: [00:29:47] absolutely Dara. Thank you so much. I am going to go towards the flip side of the reverence card now and read the practice of reverence. I take time each day to nurture my inner life. I opened my soul to life's wonders. I live with an awareness of divine presence. I discern the meaning of my experiences.

[00:30:17] I allow beauty to nurture my soul and I respect the value of all life. Dara. Can I call on you to reflect on maybe one or two of those statements in light of the conversation that we've had today?

[00:30:34] Dara: [00:30:34] Absolutely. But before I forget, I want to share another way that you can do the practice on the back of a card is you can read it like you did. And, or you can change it and say, do I take time each day? Do I open? And then you can take it a step further and say, how do I, or how can I,

[00:31:01] Richard: [00:31:01] Hmm.

[00:31:02] Dara: [00:31:02] are just deeper ways to reflect, and then you do your own personal journey journaling.

[00:31:08] So, Hmm. Well, my goodness. Well, yeah, as you are reading on light jet jet, jet jet tick, tick, tick, tick, tick check. Yeah. Um, you know, I guess I'm going to go with, I respect the value of a life. We were all created noble. Sometimes our actions do not exemplify that nobility. But we are all created. We are all God's children.

[00:31:45] We are all created noble and as a vegan, our animal friends, you know, I feel that as well. So just being mindful and respecting the value of life is one way that we can show our reverence and also to mother earth caring for mother earth. Absolutely. And then, um, I discern the meaning of my experiences.

[00:32:10] My husband just laughs at me, you know, I'm always like, it's a God wink or this happened reason. You know, it's always that kind of stuff. And I really do believe that things happen for a reason. And I'm praying that. So I know that there is incredible suffering right now that we can rise up as one human family and the experience.

[00:32:41] We're not all in the same boat, but we're in the same emotion right now. The experience that our collective humanity is happening, that we can discern the meaning that we can unify, that we can really support and serve. One another, and that is my greatest prayer right now, especially around social and racial injustices.

[00:33:04] Richard: [00:33:04] Wow. Thank you. Thank you, Dara. Always so much, so much wisdom and so much you, you share so openly your openness to sharing. Um, Definitely inspires the person who's listening and puts us in a way, very reflective frame of mine. Um, as a fellow vegan myself, I, I, to respect and value of life. Um, you know, I think when we look at every single being, it is so easy for us to be very judgmental about everybody and being in an industry where we are dealing with people all the time.

[00:33:42] Whether it be teachers, students, parents, we face a lot of conversations. Sometimes that may be less than ideal and you know, not as constructive, you know, lack of diplomacy and tact as well. Um, but sometimes I need to be perceptive and understand. That everyone is a drop off the same ocean and everybody is going through their own challenges, their own troubles and their own insecurities.

[00:34:12] And that is manifesting in very different ways. Everyone is good. Everyone is born noble, as you said, and as long as we live with an awareness of the divine presence, So the way we respond to a situation, you know, rather than reacting again, that detachment coming there. So don't let us not all get affected by it recognized that the person is in front of you is also the drop of that same ocean.

[00:34:39] And learn how to respond to that person and hopefully be able to model that kind of behavior, um, and you know, and gain that respect as well. And this is what I sort of see during this challenging time to, to try and understand that we're all the same, even though it's not as, you know, as, even though it's not as apparent, um, to the human eye,

[00:35:02] Dara: [00:35:02] Hmm, my heart is so full. I just want to honor you Richard, for your compassion. You know, knowing that everyone is in this and, and the feelings and the needs of all noble souls and your generosity. Service and creativity taking the initiative to create this beautiful and inspiring podcas. I I'm like I'm in tears and my heart is so full.

[00:35:29] We honestly, people listening, we have never had a conversation before. just listening to you or listening to you, I'm like, okay, wait a minute. I feel like I'm listening to myself and. Which I don't know if that's good or bad. I hope that wasn't an insult to you, but just like, I totally get you my brother from another mother.

[00:35:53] And, um, I I'm smiling from ear to ear and the, the, the young people whom you lead at your school and this community, I mean, by you doing this for families, your legacy and the gift from your heart is just. Going out, literally across oceans. And I just want to honor your commitment to doing this and grateful for your generosity of service to humanity,

[00:36:22] Richard: [00:36:22] Dara, you are, you are too kind. You're too kind. I'm very uncomfortable with praise and you're showering so much of it on me at the moment. I felt a little embarrassed,

[00:36:32] Dara: [00:36:32] Um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you, but you get to open it up and learn how to receive, because that's part of what we need to model with humility for our children. And I also want to acknowledge everyone listening.

[00:36:47] I just want to honor you all for your commitment to your families, for the love that you have for your families, for your generosity of time listening and. Invite you to not just compassion, but also self compassion, especially during these times. And, um, we're not necessarily always gonna say things and do things that we have in our mind and heart.

[00:37:12] And when we have a little, oops, because we might be stressed, we get to, again, PBS pause, breathe and smile. Make amends for losing our coal, taking a breath, giving a hug and reminding ourselves why it would be good for us to set our alarm just a little bit earlier to take that gift of reverence and time in the morning for ourselves.

[00:37:41] Richard: [00:37:41] Dara. Thank you. I don't know how I can ever thank you. And all the, all the listeners who are listening, um, I think they will agree with me that you have been extremely generous. You have been so enthusiastic, we can just hear it in your voice. And it's so much more easier. It's so much more, it's easier to receive information from someone who is so willingly ready to impart that kind of wisdom and also your service towards all the causes, um, that you spoken about today as well.

[00:38:09] I would like to remind everybody that the virtues cards app is available. Please look it up on Google play and the app store, all the virtues that we've spoken about, the strategies that we spoke about. Um, it'll make it easier if you have, I have those cards on there with you as well. And also Dara's book, the heart of education, which really got me into the virtues project and just inspired me with her idealism, um, is also available from her website.

[00:38:40] Uh, Dara, if people would like to get in touch with you and just any references to some of the information that I've shared earlier, where can they find you?

[00:38:48] Dara: [00:38:48] All right. Well, that's really thoughtful of you now. I'm really embarrassed. Thank you for your generosity of kindness. Okay. So, um, I'm going to give you actually two website virtues matter. That's the initiative that my husband and my son and I started. That's actually where you can get the app virtues matter.com/app.

[00:39:13] And you can access my book on there for free the PDF and the audio. And then Dara feldman.com, D a R a F E L D M a n.com. That's my educator site. There's a bunch of resources on my blog and under resources, whatever you can find. Take everyone it's for you. You can also access my book there and then feel free to reach out to me@daraatvirtuesmatter.com.

[00:39:46] Um, Facebook, Dara, Shane Feldman,  and the last thing that I want to say is we are starting a campaign called share the love. And love stands for a language of virtues every day or everywhere or with everyone.

[00:40:02]

[00:40:02] And so if you go to virtues matter, you want to be a partner. You want to join us. We're going to be kicking it off in September and we would love to have you all help virtues go viral and to share the love.

[00:40:15] Richard: [00:40:15] excellent. Excellent. Thank you so much, Dara. And also, as far as family of virtues is concerned, you can look me up on Twitter and Instagram. I'm on @rsidharta or on our Facebook and Instagram pages you can follow us @familyofvirtues. Please subscribe and tune in again, next time.

[00:40:35] Thank you Dara so much. And God bless us all. Thank you.

[00:40:39] Dara: [00:40:39] it was a joy. Bless you too.